If she had it to do over again, the bride would have thought twice about those shoes before walking down the aisle, a journey which quickly dissolved into a foot-weary hour-long ceremony, followed by 45 minutes of standing in the receiving line and five hours of dancing at the reception.

Twenty years later, when the bride married for the second time, she remembered the lesson she learned from her first wedding. After all, she had already walked a mile in a bride's shoes. So, starting two weeks before the Big Day, the bride came home from work – science tells us feet are biggest in late afternoon – and put on her satin pumps, taking care to walk only in the house to avoid smudging the pristine ivory. On the afternoon of the wedding, the shoes felt just right – and so did the bride's feet.

Oh, how we live and learn. And when we marry again, it's a perfect opportunity to show how much we've grown and how our styles have changed – from froufrou to sophisticated and from young brides who let gowns "wear them" to those who know exactly what styles look fabulous.

Statistics tell us that at least half the folks who are saying "I do" are exchanging vows for at least the second time. That number includes people who have been divorced or widowed and are giving marriage a second go, people who are marrying for a third or subsequent time, and couples in which one person has been married previously and the other partner is marrying for the first time.

It is a second chance not only for marital happiness, but for a different kind of wedding – an intimate black-tie dinner, a sunrise balloon ride or a lakeside picnic – choose whatever feels like a perfect fit for this new stage in life.

Bridal consultant Terri Vaughn especially enjoys planning second or subsequent weddings because the brides and grooms tend to be more mature with fully developed tastes.

"It's not that they do it differently, but they do it better," says Vaughn, proprietor of The Pleasure of Your Company in Philadelphia. "The weddings tend to be more personal because of their sense of style."

One of Vaughn's favorite second weddings took place at the couple's home in a garden gazebo bedecked with flowers. Most brides and grooms who have children from previous unions want to give the children an important role in the ceremony, which this couple did in heart- touching fashion. After they exchanged vows, they presented the groom's 9-year old daughter with a tiny gold band and pledged their love to her.

"Second weddings are almost always smaller – fewer than 100 people – and often are on a Friday night," says Lynne Kopchains, a catering sales associate at the august Down Town Club in Philadelphia. Those who are marrying again gravitate toward less formal spaces, she says, such as a wood-paneled grill room instead of a huge ballroom with lofty ceilings. But if it's the groom's second marriage and the bride's first, expect the traditional grandeur of attendants, guests and ceremony.

"If the bride hasn't been married before, it's a big event – just like someone would have for a first wedding," she says.

Paying for the Festivities

The understated second wedding may be the result of who pays for the festivities. Those who are marrying again almost always pick up the tab for the reception, Kopchains says. Parents, however, frequently contribute in other ways, such as giving the newlyweds a honeymoon trip or buying the bride's gown.

When it comes to choosing a gown, second-time brides usually come to the altar with a distinct sense of style. And increasingly, women are going formal in subsequent unions, turning in quiet pastel suits for stunning understated gowns.

"'The brides may be a bit older, hut they've still got good figures," says Pattie Winkler, who manages the upscale Suky Rosan boutique in Ardmore. "Because they work on keeping their figures, they know how to highlight their good points – and cover what isn't."

Although a few pastels are making their way into the mix, variations on white – ivory, cream and candlelight – are the overwhelming colors of choice for second weddings. The one-time rule against brides wearing white in subsequent marriages has been repealed by public acclamation – as have any other preconceived notions about color. Winkler says she once outfitted a bride in black for her second wedding, a woman who wore "nothing but."

Following long white gowns, other first-time fashions are making their way into second weddings, such as modest trains and overskirts that are frequently detachable. Even a few veils – usually shorter gossamer fabric attached to a barrette – are being worn by second-time brides in their 20s and 30s.

Although brides in subsequent marriages typically only have one or two attendants, there is good news for bridesmaids, says Winkler. The second time around, brides frequently let their attendants – usually a daughter or a best friend – choose their own gowns.

In first marriages, the guest list tends to reflect the parents' affiliations rather than the couple's. There are Mom's bridge partners and Dad's business associates, in addition to political contacts, childhood chums and anybody who might have invited Mom and Dad to their son's or daughter's wedding. But in second marriages, the guest list tends to reflect the couple's affiliations rather than the parents'.

Except in the case of mile-wide family schisms, second marriages can be a grand family event. Invite all the relatives – children, parents, step-parents. Many people choose to include cousins, as well, but this is optional for those intent on maintaining a trim list. Extend the invitation to those who have helped shape your life: a cherished mentor, treasured colleagues, your pal since high school, your close business associates.

When Leah married for the first time, she planned a formal wedding with a fleet of attendants and a sit-down dinner for more than 150 guests. But the day before the wedding, her grandmother died. Most of her family didn't come to the wedding and her dreams of a magical day, surrounded by those nearest and dearest, were lost.

When she wed again last year, it proved to be a charm. Her future husband, Lou, suggested they elope to Tahiti. Rut Leah was steadfast in her desire to try to re-create the dream wedding of her younger years. "I wanted to have my family and friends there to share our happiness," she says.

Her two adult sons walked her down the aisle – actually, a garden path outside a restaurant. Her daughter was matron of honor. Lou's son and daughter-in-law stood up for him. A minister who is a long-time family friend officiated at the ceremony.

"And it was simply lovely," says Leah, "my dream came true."

Although many couples who are marrying again choose a secular setting, they need not set aside their desires for a church wedding. But it's important to make arrangements well in advance. The Episcopal Diocese of Philadelphia, for example, frequently grants permission for divorced persons to be married in its churches. But all prospective spouses must register at least a year before the ceremony. The Roman Catholic Church requires people who have previously married in a Christian church – Catholic or Protestant – to obtain an annulment, a process that usually takes six months to a year in Philadelphia.

Some churches – historic structures in particular – rent their sanctuaries for weddings. The Third, Scots and Mariners Presbyterian Church in Philadelphia, a Colonial-era church, rents its sanctuary and Friends Room to nonmembers for a fee of $550. The couple is responsible for providing a clergyperson.

Learning from the Past

The Rev. Anna Maria Hughes, an interfaith minister from New Jersey's Pine Hill, frequently officiates at later marriages. One of her prerequisites is three one-hour counseling sessions with the prospective couple, which is included in her $400 fee.

"I ask them what they learned from their first marriages that will make them successful in their second marriages," she says.

Hughes also helps couples write their own vows, if they wish. She recently wrote a candle-lighting ceremony for children who will be included in their parents' wedding. And she cautions parents to carefully choose the roles their children will play in the ceremony. A young son, for example, should not be asked to "give away" his mother, because it might create the fear that the boy will lose his mother to her new husband.

Because couples in second and subsequent marriages often have had more life experiences, they often wish to incorporate those into their ceremony. Hughes has written vows for couples in 12-step programs, for widows marrying widowers and for Christians marrying Jews.

"Many couples have adopted the custom of breaking the glass, even though they aren't Jewish," says Hughes. "Any one who has been married before is quite aware of the fragility of marriage – and how much care it requires."